Building Big Sexy Therapy Muscles

The pattern of growing up as a little gay brown boy trying to fit in with sport’s dynamics in Kansas was not only wildly unsuccessful, but it was repetitive. New sport, mediocre output, same rejection, new sport. 

This is how some people bounce around relationships. It all starts new and exciting then seeking validation and bouts of codependency ensue and old patterns start to rear their heads. Riding on the initial vibes works until the necessary dedication and coming to terms with the self becomes nonnegotiable. Hurt and letdown seep out as the relationship fails and negative selftalk or wide sweeping generalizations about the world at large start to take root like an untreated ankle injury that makes the gait look wonky as hell. 

This is doubled and exasperated in relationships. You are not only carrying the little brown boy rejected from dominant cultural narratives around with you; you are also needed in making space and grace for your partner’s inner child, family of origin, and unique identity stressors. 

Sports, exercise, wellness are all areas where there is no one path to health, regardless what social media peddles you. Like relationships, we can get creative with it. I like rugby and volleyball for wildly different reasons, but they are also where I have invested years of my life. Now, my main forms of health and wellness are training for and participating in those. They are relatively new forms in my life, but they are the most flexed muscles, quite literally, that I have.

Trial and error is often seen as failure in relationships; as if people should know how to have it together when getting together. But the flexed muscles take time, energy, and a lot of grace for yourself and your partner(s). Going to therapy is not dropping out of the “sport” or an admittance of failure in skills. It’s like hiring a personal trainer to teach, train, moderate, and eventually work themselves out of a job. It’s not a failure to go to therapy, it’s a commitment to the betterment of how you show up for people you care about. 

Bond and Bridge is a culturally and socially aware couples and relationship counseling practice. Sports aren’t your thing? Wellness is in hobbies, career, etc. Book a consultation today.

Therapy; because life keeps happening. 
“Be you, do good.” 

Joey